Joyfully Journaling

just an update

2011-12-30T18:46:00.000-08:00

as i'm writing this i am in bed with my foot propped up on pillows. i got my ingrown toenail taken out today (it's okay if you're grossed out) so i have been in bed all day... the truly terrible thing about the situation is the fact that my grandparents are here. not only that, but my sister's leaving tomorrow for nashville for new year's and it's her last weekend before she goes back to school.

so i am sitting in my room listening to my whole family laugh and talk, while i am stuck up here because i'm so light headed that when i stand up or move i feel like i am about to throw up. (TMI? sorry)

i'll just recap what has gone on since i blogged last... which feels like forever ago.

christmas was different. not bad, but just different. i got out of school on the 22nd (that is probably why-no time to prepare AT ALL) and the next day we went to st louis as a fam. it was nice and really good for the 6 of us to be together, like old times.

we went to the christmas eve service which was great. it's my favorite thing ever... the candle light service is always beautiful.

christmas day i played mary in my mom's class (she teaches in the nursery) and my siblings and i sang in the church service. we sang the christmas version of "offering". it was really nice to sing with them all together.

my brother and i left on the 27th to go to xtreme winter with my youth group. it's a conference put on with a bunch of popular bands and speakers and we came back the 29th. it was really awesome. i prayed that God would reveal to me something about my future... college, career, anything. by the end of the trip i really felt like God was telling me that i need to continue praying about going to liberty (in VA, where my brother goes) and not go just because i want to. i realized that i don't need to go to liberty to feel comfortable, i need to go because it is God's will. i have really had a hard time in high school, so i wanted to be in a christian environment in college, but i don't want to go for the wrong reasons. so now i am praying that God will make it VERY clear to me where i should be.

i am learning more and more about myself as i am growing closer to the lord. the more i spend time with him, the more i realize and truly believe that he is all i need. i am in love with Jesus and i am not ashamed or embarrassed to use those words- "in love".

i have also learned that i have focused a lot of energy and time NOT doing what is WRONG, and i have kind of put into the shadows the fact that i am sinning against God by not DOING what is RIGHT and taking initiative. i was reminded at xtreme winter of the urgency i need to have when sharing Christ with people. my high school years are coming to a close and i won't see 99% of the people i am surrounded by. i am gaining more and more confidence in sharing Christ the more i learn about him- because who doesn't want everyone to know about the love of their life? :)

before school got out for the break i also had an incredible opportunity to share my story in my school's newspaper. i am on the staff and my friend mariah and i decided to write a story about the stereotypes and labels put on people in high school, and how if we want to change anything we have to change how we think about and treat others. we had the double page spread, so on the left side was the story mariah and i wrote, and on the right was the story mariah wrote about me. she talked about how i struggled with depression for 3 years and was able to put a lot of good things in the story.

a lady from our local news channel, holly brantley, met the staff when she came to talk at our school a few days before the issue came out, and she asked our teacher, mrs kuper, if she could come in and talk to the staff just about the newspaper and what goes on in the class. we were all excited (TV!) but i didn't really know what to expect. she ended up interviewing a few of us- brooke for the graphic design, brandon for the technology we use, and mariah and i for content. we got to share on the NEWS about our story and what we wrote about!!!! i can not tell you how thrilled we both were. holly asked us questions about how we chose what we wanted to write, why we wrote the way we did, etc. it was really cool.

i got to talk to holly after she interviewed us and i'm really excited about what the future might hold about speaking out about teens and depression and just high school issues. i want people to hear what i have to say and i want to slowly change things around me.

if you'd like to read the story written by holly brantley or see the video, click here.

i am really excited about what God has in store for me... i will try to blog regularly!!! i'm so bad..

focus

2011-11-26T20:24:00.000-08:00

facebook is great but it can be really frustrating.

seeing all of these statuses about who won what game, who is going to win what game, and which fans are better just make me sad. i'm not trying to be dramatic, but WHY does it matter? and my school might get uniforms so everyone is fussing about it... i know that my focus isn't on what it should be the majority of the time, but i think the Lord has helped me through seeing things like this, that there is seriously NO WORTH in things of the world.

my grandfather is visiting this weekend and he has taught me since i was little that there is a lesson that can be learned in everything. he tells a story about when he used to change our diapers, and how the Lord spoke to him when he was changing one of us (like seriously- this man talks to Jesus 24/7). he told me that Jesus "changes our diapers" every day. he cleans up after us multiple times daily... and, like babies, we don't get up each time and give our gratitude, do we? at least i know i don't.

this weekend has taught me so much. i think i have mentioned that i struggle(d) with depression for a while when i first moved back to missouri. sometimes it decides to raise its ugly head to me at moments when i've left myself vulnerable (AKA, haven't been spending time with the healer who sets me free) and my poppy just happened to bring up the subject at lunch today. he told me a story about how someone was struggling with wanting to take their own life... and jesus said "go ahead." and the person said "what? you're okay with me doing this?" and jesus said "sure. but i just have one question. if you're going to be dead anyway, why not die right now and let me live through you?" how incredibly freeing is that? all jesus wants is to live through us. that completely changed the way i think. when i feel like i can't do it anymore, I DON'T HAVE TO. that is the perfect time to surrender, and that's what jesus wants.

i'm tired of focusing so much on things that don't matter. high school sucks. okay, so? another thing poppy said was "every imperfection is a window for us to find God's perfection"... so if i look at high school as if it's a window, it's actually a blessing that i am there. i know i probably sound really foolish complaining about high school, but for some reason it's been a real struggle for me to be positive getting through it. no one has been cruel to me or anything like that, it's just been hard for me to stay focused on why i am there and that there is a purpose for me there.

so my challenge for myself this next week that you can join in on is to take every single thing i do and find a spiritual lesson or truth out of it. literally everything. like when i trip in the hallway....... i don't know.... there can be something to learn from that, right?

update

2011-10-16T14:04:00.000-07:00

school is going well. God has been so faithful to me. teaching me that HE never leaves me. NEVER! how awesome! he is so good to me through the good and the bad. i am so thankful for his grace, love, and promises that are new every morning..

ashley, kurt, and my dad are in KOREA right now! the arrived in seoul at about 4pm their time, 1am our time. it is so surreal that i will be able to hold liam in a few short days. we will be meeting them at the airport on friday night. i can't believe it! my mom and i will have evy from tonight until friday... should be interesting!

i got my wisdom teeth out on friday, which went smoothly. the ladies were SO nice to me, and i knew i was in good hands. i don't do well with stuff like that- when i don't really know what's going on- but God totally pulled me through and i knew he was there the whole time. i was so scared that i was going to say things that would embarrass me while i was still drugged up.. haha! the only thing i kept saying was "i wanna see evy... i wanna see evy and ashley...." and my mom told me that we should wait until i was "myself" and i got defensive.. go figure. HA!

girl's bible study has been such a blessing. we are doing so long insecurity, and it was SUCH a good choice! the girls have been opening up and talking about personal struggles, and i have loved it so much. it gets me through the week, that's for sure!! i can't wait to see what else God does through the study.

a girl in my church named hannah (a college student) has been meeting with me and really helping me learn things spiritually. we are starting to read through philippians together and we are going to talk about what God teaches us through it. it's so amazing to have someone to meet with me and encourage me spiritually. she has been such a blessing to me.

for whoever is reading this, thank you! my posts are so random and i know very seldom, but i love sharing what's on my heart.

i am alive

2011-09-08T18:28:00.000-07:00

i know i haven't blogged in forever, but it's ok... it's for a good cause! ha

i have been really busy... from the end of summer to the beginning of school, wow!

school is going well. i have first hour off, which makes a huge difference!! all of my classes are going well. i am on the newspaper staff (!!!) which is overwhelming but fun. it is so weird not having will at school though. i miss him! but, i did get to visit him over labor day weekend. i went with a friend and his fam because his aunt lives in VA and we stayed with her, so it worked out. (instead of posting every single thing i haven't blogged about, i will just post about the most recent stuff!)

LIAM should be coming home in october... YAY! we are so excited! God has been so faithful through the whole process, and i am really happy for my sister and kurt (and evy!)it'll be such an awesome time to finally have him HOME

God has been so good to me lately. he is ALWAYS good, but i have opened my eyes to little things he does for me, like keeping me healthy and helping me stay focused on him. i have been becoming a lot better at relying on God to satisfy my heart, and it is only through the holy spirit that i can do that. i can't wait to see what else the lord is going to teach me!

hopefully i will be able to blog more soon.

2011-06-27T20:50:00.000-07:00

we have to go through the hardest situations to experience the greatest fulfillment. we will never truly understand the power that Christ can have in our lives until we are completely broken and when there is nowhere to look but up. God wants ALL of us- not just what we are comfortable giving him.

in the past i have focused on giving God what i am comfortable giving him, but keeping some things to myself. i wanted to date the guys i wanted to date, do the things i wanted to do, and gossip just to have something to talk about. i still struggle with these things, but i have realized and learned that i will never be satisfied until i have given everything to Christ. i have to learn to let go to truly receive.

have you ever missed something SO much??

2011-06-26T19:53:00.000-07:00

i am missing brazil more every single day. that might sound weird that i was only there for a short time and i am still not over it... but i don't think i ever will get over it.

i can't describe to you the feeling of wanting to be with the people there, hug them, love on them, talk to them, and not being able to. it's one of the worst feelings i've ever felt. i want so badly to hug one of them right now. when i need encouragement, i think of how loved and accepted each person there made me feel. i think of how amazing it was to be able to love on so many people. i think about how much God loves me... loves each person in brazil and all over the world. i think about worshipping in two different languages and knowing that God was being praised. how incredible?

i know God had me there for a reason. i know that i will someway be involved with salvador again. i fell in love with the place, the people... everything. even no air conditioning!;) i want so badly to be there right now, but i have to remember God has me right where i am for a reason. he has me here no matter how i feel about it, and i have to embrace it.

on another note, something happened today, and i'm not really sure what to make of it. i overheard this guy at Panera on the phone with someone talking about his recent tickets, money issues, and so on. i really felt like God wanted me to go say something to him. he wasn't leading me to sit down and talk to him, but i felt like i needed to tell him i was praying for him or something like that.

i prayed to myself, asking God to give me a clear opportunity to say something to the man if it was his will. i didn't want to say anything out of emotion or just me wanting to. i told myself that if the man got off the phone before i left, i would say something. i wasn't sure how he would feel about a random 16 year old girl interrupting his phone call.

well, he didn't get off the phone. i left and i have NO clue why but i started crying on the way home. why? i have no idea. at first i thought it was because i had ignored God's voice. i literally felt like my heart had broken. had i seriously ignored God and just not said anything because of fear? but when i came home, i realized that if God had wanted me to say something, he would have made it clear to me. i didn't have a peace about saying something to the guy.

now i realize that God might have wanted me to realize that there are people right around me that need God's love, whether it's me telling that person, or simply praying for that person to myself. i realized that sometimes, God just wants us to pray for someone we see. sometimes that's what we are called to do, and that is just as powerful as saying something to them.

PS, i read "heaven is for real"..... EVERYONE needs to read it. it's amazing.

fade

2011-06-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

a relationship takes work. hard work. this summer i have really seen that. i have realized that friends aren't necessarily the ones you talk to every day- but the ones who you know you can count on when you need them. the ones that no matter how bad you mess up, they will always be there. the ones that you will always forgive, because Christ forgives us, and we are called to be like Christ.

when i think of the word fade, i think of things that lose importance, or aren't top priority. i think of how the friendships or relationships i thought were so strong, that fade because of lack of communication or effort. the inheritance written in 1 peter will never fade. no matter how bad we mess up, how far away we stray from the Lord.... he will never move. his inheritance for us will never "grow dim" or change.

the Lord is continually showing me his love every single minute. my Poppy told me on his last visit to focus on my blessings each minute. instead of saying, that was a great day, focus on each little minute of the day. wow, that was a great minute! it might sound strange, but focusing on God's rich blessings in little small ways can make you realize the BIG blessings all around you.

father's day (late)

2011-06-21T21:09:00.000-07:00

i know the most amazing man to walk this earth since Jesus.

that's a big thing to say, i know. but it's the truth. i don't care what anyone else says.

my dad is the most godly, humble, compassionate man i know. there are no words to describe how much i love him and admire him for all the things he has done for my family and i. he is the most incredible example to me and my siblings, and to anyone who sees or knows him.

he knows exactly what to say to make my days better. he knows when not to say anything and just give me a hug. he knows just when to encourage me or tell me i look beautiful, even when i feel like i look horrible. he has shown me what my husband should be lik- what a real man of God looks like. i love him more than any man in the world, and it will stay this way forever.

all of my friends love him. he is always interested in helping others and showing interest in their lives before thinking of himself. he loves my mom and shows his children that love, which i believe is vital in a family. i never doubt that my dad loves my mom. i can go to bed every night knowing my parents love each other. he is the most amazing man i know, and i love him with ALL of my heart.

my dad has a routine. he comes home from work and (when the time is right!) he sits in his blue chair with a snack. i asked my dad one day, "can i have some jelly beans?" he handed me the whole bag. THAT is proof that he is the perfect father.

spoil

2011-06-20T22:12:00.000-07:00

"praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! in his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade- kept in heaven for you" 1 peter 1:3-4

spoil (spoil)
v. spoiled or spoilt (spoilt), spoil·ing, spoils
v.tr.
a. To impair the value or quality of.
b. To damage irreparably; ruin.

spoil. there is no positive way to use this word. whether it be food spoiling, or your favorite TV show being spoiled before you see the season finale. never good, right?

the inheritance we are able to have when we are followers of the Lord will never spoil.. which means that it will never become less. our inheritance will never be anything less than in the best condition! it will never lose its value. it won't be like the pair of shoes you bought last year that you were SO excited about, and have only worn once. our inheritance is something we can stay excited about!

when you lose hope, you can go back to these verses in 1 peter and know that there is something greater to come- if we have put our faith in Jesus Christ. i know that no matter how hard my days might seem, there is ALWAYS something greater i am living for. i am not living for my circumstances. if that was the case, i would not be the happiest girl! when someone focuses on outward things, it causes emotions to go up and down where there is no stability. but with Jesus Christ as your rock and solid foundation, you can't and won't be moved.

perish

2011-06-19T18:04:00.000-07:00

"praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! in his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade- kept in heaven for you" 1 peter 1:3-4

there is so much i can say about these 2 verses. in youth on wednesday nights we are reading through 1 peter. i feel like God chose this just for me. i have already gotten so much out of it, and we've only studied for one week. last wednesday we did verses 1-9. i am going to do 3 posts, each on a different word. this one is perish.

there are 3 adjectives in this passage that describe the inheritance (eternal life in heaven) we will receive as followers of Jesus. the first description of this inheritance is that it not only WILL never perish, it CAN never perish. how incredible is that!!?? the inheritance we will receive CAN NOT perish. it can't die! it will never die.

think about that. i never thought about it this way. the inheritance we have in Christ can't perish. this inheritance is not capable of going away. it can't. that gives me so much hope that i can't help but smile. the king of the WORLD is offering us this inheritance that can't die! it's not something he takes back when we fail him or disappoint him. which we will and do every day. but that shows us how much God loves us!

i get so wrapped up in wanting a relationship with someone i think will love me and satisfy me, but every day i am falling more in love with my creator. nothing will ever fill the void in my heart but HIS love, and i am finally coming to the point where i am letting down my walls and letting him in. for so long i have tried to fill my heart and loneliness with worldly things. how foolish am i. i am so content and pleased that i am finally allowing the Lord to take control and enter a normally forbidden place for most people to enter- my heart.

thank you, Lord, for teaching me new things each day.

it's easy

2011-06-16T20:14:00.000-07:00

to say God is good when things are going your way.

for you to be happy when everything around you is satisfying your soul.

to rely on your circumstances.

to think you can be happy if you just had that one thing...
boyfriend, job, grade, friend, shirt, phone, car...

to give into your feelings.

to not do the right thing.

to be kind to someone you feel like being kind to.

to love someone that's loveable.

to smile when you feel like smiling.

to forget what God has done for you.

to focus on what's going wrong.

to believe the grass is greener on the other side.

i've realized something lately. i get too comfortable living in a bubble wanting nothing to hurt me. i try my hardest to surround myself in things i think won't hurt me or get to me.. and when i see a sign of pain, i run or shut them off. it's not on purpose. it's not something i'm proud of. i try to make things easy for myself. i try to make myself comfortable.

i was worried when i started getting close to my sweet friends in brasil. i kept thinking about saying goodbye and the possibility of never seeing them again. i still just want to cry when i think about my time with them. i would give anything to be with them right this second. but i have to remember that God allowed our time to be short together. i'm not sure why, but i know that there was a purpose for me there. i miss every single person i met so so much. ahhhhhhh.

i am still struggling with solely relying on God to fill me. i try to let other things satisfy me, but they never will. that's something that will always be a struggle for me. and that's okay, because i know that God will give me the strength everyday to deal with my weakness.

i know this post is random, but .. i'm not going to say i'm sorry ;)

brasil

2011-06-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

i got home yesterday from the best 10 days of my life. i went to salvador, brasil.

there is a LOT i could say about my trip.. but i think i will just talk about what i learned and what i am still learning now that i am home.

there were 3 ways we served the community: a football clinic, in the school, and on a construction team. i only did the school and the construction team.

there was a family of 11 living in the house we worked on. there was a little boy who was 14 who had a mental disorder (we aren't sure what it was) and he was so precious. he would get a huge smile on his face when he saw us pull up to his house, and give us all hugs. he always made us laugh and was never frowning.

now that i am home, i am grieved with sadness for many reasons. i miss my family in brasil. i miss the way i felt so special just walking down the streets. i miss feeling like i am the most important person in the world to them. i miss their hugs, the laughter, the church we worked with. i miss worshipping with the good news baptist church and hearing songs in portuguese being sung to the lord. i miss each and every person i met and spoke with, or just smiled at due to the language barrier.

God showed his face in so many ways. i got a glimpse of what heaven is going to be like- singing praises in our native tongue with people across the globe. the language didn't matter- we could communicate with hugs, laughs, smiles, and even a little sign language. it was amazing to see how joyful the people were. in america, we take little things for granted. we are so selfish and ungrateful. on the plane home i was seriously dreading it. i missed my family, but i honestly wanted to stay in brasil and have my family just come and move there.

God was so amazing these past few days, and is still faithful even though i am really missing brasil. i know i was there for a reason, even thought it was for a short time. i miss it so much, and i know i will go back. thank you SO much to all who prayed for me while i was there. i know God has plans for me in brasil.

there is a lot to say

2011-05-25T19:26:00.000-07:00

i have SO MUCH to blog about, but i just have to narrow down and hit on the really important things...

1. i know there are many people right now going through some very challenging times. last tuesday (seems like it's been a year) i got a call that one of my friends tried to take his life. no one knew any details yet, just to be praying. i don't think i've ever prayed so hard in my life. chad ended up passing away about 3 days later, and i can not tell you how strong his mother and sister are. please keep this family in your prayers, as i can only imagine what they are going through right now. read the story here.

2. the weather here in MO is CRAZY. we spent part of our night tonight in the basement listening to the wind outside, and the news on the TV (when it was working!!)... we are SO BLESSED to still be safe & well. please pray for those being affected by this awful weather. i know joplin, MO was just hit and is pretty much gone (about 7 hours from me). after the rain, hail, dark, gloomy skies, and dreary weather, we got a sign from God that he is, in fact, still in all this. not just the bad weather, but the situation with Chad, sadness, and so much more.

you can't tell in the pic, but it was a double rainbow.

3. sister had a garage sale to raise money for her adoption. they made $1250 :) we are so excited for liam to be HOME.

4. school is out..... already???? my 10th grade year flew by.. but i know God did some AMAZING things this year. in, around, and hopefully through me.

5. lastly, i've thought about not blogging anymore... i've found myself wondering if there are any people who actually read my blog. not that i blog for other people, but the reason i started blogging was to show people what God is doing in my life, and to be seen as a real teen going through real situations... just not really sure what i should do.

i hope yall are having a great week, and i pray that all of you are well!

this changed my life

2011-05-07T22:21:00.001-07:00

there is something i have learned recently that has really changed my life. the way i think, act, react to situations... want to know what it is?

high school years are hard. we are at the age where we are dealing with things we've never had to deal with before. girls (aka DIVAS), boys (well..there are a lot of words for them), getting a job, making really important decisions, dealing with hormones and school stress. i used to get so overwhelmed about everything, without even knowing. my body reacts to stress before my brain realizes it's stressed, so i would always know i was stressed but never know why. high school has been extremely hard for me because i have felt very alone. in NO WAY am i saying people have bullied me or left me out. i mean, i have been left out a few times, but i haven't been shunned or not welcomed into a group. i have friends, and i love them.

the reason why high school and teenage years are so hard is because we don't have past experiences to look back on. sure i have ones from like, middle school, junior high etc, but i don't have the years of experience to look back and say "this is what i did here; i need to change that this time.) i think it has really helped me to understand that it is normal to go through really rough spots. it's ok to not understand why certain things happen. but i have to go back to God's Word and his truth and promises. it's the only true way i can know how to go through the hard times.

OK

2011-05-03T08:30:00.001-07:00

SO, i have a lot to say today. and i'll look really weird because it will look like i'm 5 different people, but that's alright, isn't it? yes, it is.

ok, well first i will say that i did the challenge in my previous post. it helped my day get started off right, and i was able to take in God's creation without any distractions. i walked, skipped, and ran (...a little) and it was a pretty good day :)

next thing... i am still struggling with my health. i am home from school right now. i went home early yesterday because i literally couldn't stand up straight from my stomach hurting. it was weird. i felt really awkward. also i have a cough (???) which i don't think is related to my stomach but who the heck knows. my mom likes to think that carnation insant breakfast fixes everything, so she sat on my bed and watched me drink the entire glass. she really is great. so please pray that i start feeling better. i CAN NOT miss school. finals are in like 3 weeks and we are reviewing and everything; i SO can not miss that. soooo thank you for all who are praying for me!!

God really is an amazing God. even thought i feel awful and am stressed about missing school, i know that God is in this situation and that sometimes i just have to be patient. he is allowing me to get sick (WWHHHHY!!?????) so i just have to get through it and stay positive. which is what i am really trying to do. it's really hard!

we got a new picture of liam yesterday with the care package my sister sent him. so precious. he is so big!! we can't wait to have him here.

mother's day is coming up soon, and i have a gift planned to make for my wonderful mother. i would post it on here, but she'll probably read this......

i would touch on the subject of osama bin laden's death, but i really don't feel like it.

ok. that is all.

now doesn't that sound nice!?

2011-04-26T11:45:00.000-07:00

i'm going to try this on saturday.. join me!!!

life

2011-04-24T20:12:00.000-07:00

my posts have been really random lately, and aren't coming very frequently! (sorry!) i have been pretty tied up and haven't really had a chance to just sit & type.

my grandparents came to visit for easter. i always LOVE when they come because i've learned that i really need to cherish the time i have with them, and i take them for granted.

i was talking to my poppy about what my hobby is. i realized i don't have one.. and i got really down. i know it might sound like i'm being hard on myself or something, but i really wish there was one thing i could say i LOVED doing (i was explaining this to poppy). he brought up writing. "well...yeah, i like to write." hm, novel idea that i actually write as a hobby, huh? he suggested i try to get in with the school newspaper. wellllllll, guess what! i'm going to try it. we'll see if anything happens. :)

the weather here is TERRIBLE. rain, thunder, lightning, sometimes freezing sometimes humid. WHYYYY. i hate waking up on school days when it's raining..but i have to keep reminding myself that God made the rain, too! ahhhhhh

alyssa (my sister) is going to be home (for tha SUMMA) on tuesday!!! FINALLLLYYYYY.

school is out in about 4 weeks! i have seriously never been so ready for summer!

celebrate HIM

2011-04-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

easter is a time to look back and remember.
remember what Christ did for us.
he is still with us even when we don't feel it.
he is there in the good times and the bad.
he is RISEN & he is ALIVE.
he makes us new.

savior, please by josh wilson

2011-04-12T18:41:00.000-07:00

Savior, please take my hand . I work so hard, I live so fast. This life begins, and then it ends. And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last. I try to be so tough, but I'm just not strong enough. I can't do this alone, God I need you to hold on to me. I try to be good enough, but I'm nothing without your love. Savior, please keep saving me. Savior, please help me stand. I fall so hard, I fade so fast. Will you begin, right where I end? And be the God of all I am because you're all I have. Hallelujah Everything you are to me, is everything I'll ever need. And I am learning to believe, that I don't have to prove a thing. Cause you're the one who's saving me. Hallelujah Savior, please keep saving, me. this is my heart right now. savior, please keep saving me.

praise

2011-04-11T19:14:00.000-07:00

Praise the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary; praise Him in His mighty heavens. Praise Him for His acts of power; praise Him for His surpassing greatness. Praise Him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise Him with the harp and lyre, praise Him with timbrel and dancing, praise Him with the strings and pipe, praise Him with the clash of cymbals, praise Him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD psalm 150

it's not You, it's me.

2011-04-10T19:43:00.000-07:00

guess what? life is hard. it's really, really, really hard. you know why? because.. it's, well, life. weird, i know. butttttt it's OK. you know why? because it isn't about us. it isn't about you. isn't about me. it isn't about your problems or mine. it isn't about how HARD life is. (life isn't about how hard life is. bear with me OK.) we have to just stay strong. we have to not focus on our FEEEEEEELINGS. it is so hard to not focus on ME. the feelings that get me low aren't from You. they are all me. i have recently (re)learned that it isn't about how i'm feeling. God in my life isn't about how i am feeling inside. God doing work in my life doesn't have to do with the way i feel. so no matter how sad or low i get, i know that God is STILL in control. because it's not You. it's me.

God is good

2011-04-06T18:17:00.001-07:00

well today was one of those days. i won't go into detail, but i left school 4th hour and came home. i was literally in bed all day and was notttt feeling the greatest. just run down and blaahhhhh. i decided i was up to going to church. turns out God had a reason! we have started this thing in our youth group where the people who have told jeff (our youth pastor) they are willing to pray for others split off into groups and the others come to a group and are prayed over. it's really cool! well there is one girl in particular who has been dealing with something EXACTLY like i just recently went through. she was in my group tonight and just really needed prayer, and since i know what she was going through i was able to know without saying anything that she needed to be prayed for. after that, a girl who has been coming with my friend hollie (if you are a consistant reader you know her!) needed to talk and to be prayed for so it was a really good night for me to be there. isn't it amazing how God comforts us so we can comfort other people? comfort isn't about what we feel though. it's about what we read in God's word and know is true and really believe. i have been seriously wrong in thinking that God's comfort has to do with how i feel. um WRONG! God has been teaching me some awesome things and i am so excited. have you learned anything lately? about anything!?!

YOU created me

2011-04-02T21:29:00.000-07:00

lately i've been struggling with the way i look. i have not been happy with myself. the way my eye makeup ALWAYS, without fail seems to be completely drab and smudged by the end of the day. the way my hair looks different every day and will never just do what i want it to. the way my body looks when i stand in front of the mirror. i think it's safe to say that every girl struggles with some form of insecurity about their body. i am sick of not being happy with myself. i always compare myself to other girls, which is really stupid. ya know why? because i am the only me there is. isn't that a cool thought? there is no other person walking on this earth that looks the way i do. not only that, but there is not one person on this earth that is going to do the things God has chosen ME to do. now THAT is cool! have you ever thought about that? God made me the exact way i am supposed to be. yes we do have control over how healthy we keep our bodies (sorry, kinda slacking right now) but God created us the way we are for a reason. in society's eyes, a size 2 is beautiful. which is perfectly true. but the only beautiful people in this world are not size 2s. the size 5s, 12s, 14s and so-on are just as beautiful. why? because God made them that way! he made us the way we are and we need to make the world realize that we do not have to conform. i am tired of feeling like a freak for going out with no make up on. i feel less confident when i do. that is so WRONG. i need to embrace the way i am naturally. did i come out of my mother with makeup on? um...no. OK. so i am kinda preaching to myself right now when i say STOP CARING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! psalm 139:13-14 for it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother's womb. i will praise You, because i have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well. (holman christian standard) for thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. i will praise thee; for i am fearfully and wonderfully made : marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. (king james) You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous -- and how well I know it. (new living translation) oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. i thank you, High God - you're breathtaking! body and soul, i am marvelously made! i worship in adoration - what a creation! (the message) "Dear Father, forgive me for complaining about Your masterpiece when I look into the mirror. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank You for crafting my eyes that see, my ears that hear, my mouth that speaks, and all the amazing organs that work in tandem that I can’t even see. In Jesus’ Name, Amen." from crosswalk's girlfriends in God devotionals

weekend

2011-04-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

amazing.

harlie and i had a little outing to target. we got stopped at the $1 section. so classy.

ps, sorry for all the polyvore posts. i've been bored.

prom

2011-04-02T08:15:00.001-07:00

prom by andreajoy1220 featuring heart shaped jewelry

Unif lace tee
$63 - idontlikemondays.us

Nike party shoes
$105 - nike.com

Mimco drop earring
55 GBP - houseoffraser.co.uk

Heart shaped jewelry
6 GBP - hannahzakari.co.uk

Purple prom dress
promnightstyles.com

Butterfly Background Set: Schmetterlinge (8 Stck.) — bei heine.de
heine.de

easter

2011-04-01T22:01:00.001-07:00

easter by andreajoy1220 featuring gold plated jewelry

Butterfly dress
22 GBP - m-butterfly.co.uk

Peep toe shoes
$32 - lulus.com

Gold plated jewelry
30 GBP - johnlewis.com

Koh Gen Do Maifanshi Lipstick - BE04 Nude Beige
$35 - barneys.com

stila cosmetics - make me blush palette
$14 - stilacosmetics.com

summer

2011-04-01T21:16:00.001-07:00

summer by andreajoy1220 featuring a racer back tank

Top
$17 - delias.com

Racer back tank
$17 - delias.com

Victoria s Secret racer back tank
$23 - victoriassecret.com

True religion short
359 EUR - jades24.com

Flat shoes
$168 - simplysoles.com

Wet Seal floral print shoes
$16 - wetseal.com

Sigerson Morrison flat leather sandal
175 GBP - theoutnet.com

Forever21 embellished sandal
$20 - canada.forever21.com

Rene Caovilla pink shoes
590 EUR - stylebop.com

summer

2011-04-01T21:15:00.001-07:00

summer by andreajoy1220 featuring floral print shoes

Top
$17 - delias.com

Racer back tank
$17 - delias.com

Victoria s Secret racer back tank
$23 - victoriassecret.com

True religion short
359 EUR - jades24.com

Flat shoes
$168 - simplysoles.com

Wet Seal floral print shoes
$16 - wetseal.com

Sigerson Morrison flat leather sandal
175 GBP - theoutnet.com

Forever21 embellished sandal
$20 - canada.forever21.com

Rene Caovilla pink shoes
590 EUR - stylebop.com

spring

2011-04-01T20:30:00.001-07:00

spring by andreajoy1220 featuring glass shades

Floral dress
$96 - maruione.jp

Skinny fit jeans
$11 - modaxpressonline.com

DV by Dolce Vita t strap shoes
$60 - nordstrom.com

MNG by Mango glass shade
$32 - jcpenney.com

Embellishments > Pink Say It In Crystals By Prima: A Cherry On Top
$3.99 - acherryontop.com

fun in family relations since i finished my newsletter on drug abuse!!

2011-03-30T06:56:00.000-07:00

wordle.com quite fun :)

is it MINE??

2011-03-26T10:05:00.000-07:00

so last night (this morning..sorry mom, i stayed up waaaaay late) i watched the movie beware of chrisians. go to the website if you haven't heard of what it is!

i was challenged to think about my faith. i've been raised in a Christian home with Christians surrounding me, especially at church. when i moved to MO i got a little taste of a more secular environment at public school, but i still have my fam and church family.

if i hadn't been raised in a Christian home would i have the faith that i do? tough question, huh. i got to thinking about this after i finished watching the movie this morning (aka afternoon, woke up at 11 30...HA) and i realized that i need to strive to make my faith COMPLETELY my own. if i had grown up in switzerland (one place the guys went) would i seriously be as "hardcore" about my faith? honestly, i really don't know if i would be. i know that God placed me where i am and with the family i'm with, but it's easy to get wrapped up in being a Christian because of what people tell me.

i think it was last year that i started thinking about this whole thing. have i seriously read in the bible the story of creation? Jesus's birth? death? resurrection? at that time, no i hadn't. how SICK is that!!!?? i've been a christian since i was about 7 and i had just grown up listening to what everyone told me. how WRONG of me!! it makes me sick to think about the time that i've wasted up to this point. why am i following Jesus? because my parents do? because it's all around me, in the lifestyle i'm living? i'm going to be honest and not answer that question right now. i really need to step away and truly analyze why i have a relationship with Jesus. i'm going to find ways to challenge myself, and i would love it if you joined with me.

2011-03-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

in case you didn't know, sunday comes after saturday.

bible study

2011-03-24T20:47:00.000-07:00

for girls bible study we are doing esther.

tonight we talked about how our attitudes can really set us apart from the world, and how the way we react to certain situations can be a real witness.

i was convicted of my attitude towards school. i hate it. but God has me there. for a reason. so i need to stop thinking about ME. it's getting old.

my friend hollie who was diagnosed with leukemia this year is starting school tomorrow! i am picking her up in the morning and i'm excited! she's a little nervous so please say a little prayer for her.

grandparents are coming in tomorrow night! yay.

night night!

HELLLOOOO SPRING

2011-03-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

spring is here, thank the LORD!!! i have been waiting so long! (i speak as if i've waited longer than all of you. hm)

i chopped my hair off, as you might have seen in an earlier post. i'm still getting used to it.

i am ready for my high school career to be over. and i have 2 years left. yippee.

God has been teaching me over and over (and over) to focus only on him and not anyone else!

i am obsessed with selena gomez's new song who says.

i am THRILLLLLLED about my new nephew liam! he is precious and we can't wait to have him here!

here is liam!

2011-03-18T21:55:00.000-07:00

taddaaaaaaaa

2011-03-16T18:51:00.000-07:00

youtube is my life. clearly.

2011-03-12T13:29:00.000-08:00

funny story, the guy from number 4 came to my school on friday! i am a fan. we got a pic together. winnnnnn.

enjoy!

the love

2011-03-11T20:06:00.000-08:00

i remember the time when
my problems were minor
i, i went to school like
a juked street baller

my issues increased
and i ran the show i,
i strutted my stuff
like i was in the know

but reality is i was
far from knowing
i was all about me
i was secretly stowing

away thoughts and
motives that were
not of Him and i
finally saw that i
was not gonawin

to lose myself
was of richest gain
my life scattered away
like the sand on the bay

i was completely broken
as if i had been stepped on
by a beast from tarabithia
i was so off, and not on

my heart was shattered
my mental state was altered
i ran and ran but with no motion
the mind is a place
where you'll never be free

but with this saving grace
it's like an epiphany
no wait he's real, true, tangible
not a myth, lie, or prodigy

i am daily saved and new
without a trace of crimson red
for the blood he shed on wood
was to completely change my hue

from black, dark, and broken
to white, pure and clean
i am forever, always changed
by this love that sets me free.

a potpouri of andrea's thoughts. props to my bro in law for this clever title.

2011-03-11T18:14:00.000-08:00

i am terrible! i know i have been majorly MIA (to those of you lovelies who actually read my blog..!) i am trying to get better!

soooo as you know, i have a nephew!! on my previous post i mentioned that my sister and her hubby are adopting a wittle boy from korea. his name? william mark lancaster, "liam" for short! precious, i know. we are sooo thrilled! continue to pray for ashley and kurt as they pursure this longggg journey to get little liam HERE!

in other news, i shared a little snippet of my testimony at fca (fellowship of christian athletes, but it's funny considering i don't participate any sports. hmmm) on wednesday. i cried. as in, snot ran down my face. BUT, this is a perfect example of how God can completely take over a person. do ya think i got up there saying to myself, hmm, i wana cry. um. no. but the lord helped me know the exact words to say! it was incredible.

speaking of testimonies, i am also sharing it tomorrow at upward! at 12 15! so puhhlleeeeaasssseee pray that i don't FREAK with nerves! jeff (my youth pastor) will ask me questions like how was i before i was saved? what exactly is sin? how was i different after? exciiiting i know.

alyssa is home! yaaaayy sisterhood.

God has been really working in my heart. i've noticed that i don't focus on other people to make me happy anymore. it is SO easy to get focused on someone ELSE making me happy & filling my heart. yes, i do still struggle duh but i know that God is faithful & he has a plan for every situation i go through. ISN'T IT GREAT!?

i'm going to start praying about attending the disney college program. it's for a semester, and i LOVE disney world so it interests me! go here for more info.

hope ya have a great weekend!!!!!!!!

GUESS WHATTT!!?????????

2011-03-07T14:54:00.000-08:00

...
I HAVE A NEPHEW IN KOREA!
"As of 9:30 this morning, we HAVE A SON! We waited a month and three days for referral, which is unheard of! He is 8 months old, born July 1, 2010. We have his picture and will share once we're legally able to do so. He is beautiful and the biggest miracle--completely healthy!!!! We will travel in 4-6 months. PRAISE THE LORD!" ashley's fb status today!!!

i got a text from ashley during school telling me to call her. sketchyyyyy. i was thinking something died or something, aka freaking out.. i told her i couldn't call because the school would know i had been texting blah blah blah (i'm awful) so she called the school, who i'm pretty sure forgot to tell me to call ashley, so after lunch i go in there and tell them i need to call my sister (they were cool) and i call her anddd..................she says............"YOU HAVE A NEPHEW IN KOREA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" aHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAhhjeuierhilzfhldskjfl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FREAKED OUT. i didn't even think about the test in 8th hour that i forgot about (i failed). i am so excited! God is so good!!

free

2011-02-28T15:48:00.000-08:00

well i had a sinus infection, the worst one i've ever had in my liiiiiiffeeee... fever mon-thurs. AWESOME. i don't know if any of yall have had a sinus headache (at least that's what my doctor bro in law told me it was) but it is the most miserable thing EVER. awful.

but good news, i am free from all the junkkkkk!!!!!!!!!! yyayyyy

on the other hand, i am not free from the makeup work. i am so stressed, but it's not as bad as i thought it would be.

anyways. i'm gonna go. bye bye

ALYSSA IS 22!

2011-02-25T09:59:00.000-08:00

my sister is 22 today!!!! she is such an amazing person & is always there for me! she is beautiful and a great example for me to follow. she has an authentic relationship with Christ & i can learn from her!

i love you kay kay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh. my. word.

2011-02-23T11:05:00.001-08:00

i'm sick. i have been for about 3 weeks, ever since chris came to visit. i thought it was just a cold and i got a little better. i felt okay at DNOW but then on monday night, i had a fever. 99.5. not too high, but still a fever. well, good thing we didn't have school monday or tuesday, because my temp came back on tuesday afternoon and i felt miserable. the highest was around 101.3 i think. so my mom kept me home from school since i had a fever most of the day yesterday, and i wake up thinking everything's great! wasn't too stopped up, my head was okay, no fever. well that ship sailed. my fever is back at 101.2. and that's with 3 ibuprofen. I KNOW. so, please please please keep me in your prayers! i am SICK of missing school (see what i did there? hehe) and i am dreading the make up work. God is in control even though i have no idea what he is doing???????????

on a brighter note, my sister is coming home tonight from college. her bday is the 25th. yyyaaaayyyyyyy sisterhood

dnow

2011-02-17T19:25:00.000-08:00

disciple now is this weekend.
the theme is "pause."
get rid of all distractions,
"pause" the STUFF that
surrounds you.
focus solely on
HIM.

i'm excited to experience God this weekend. the caleb rowden band is leading worship, and it'll be really awesome. i'm not going to focus on who is there, or anything that is happening with school & friends. i'm focusing on him and only him. & i can't wait.

update

2011-02-12T18:59:00.000-08:00

sorry it's been so long, i have been kinda busy.

time with chris was fun. i'll put up some pics soon.

i'm still sick.

the valentine's day banquet was tonight to raise money for some kids in our youth group to go to brazil. it was church-wide and about 160 people came!

i saw justin bieber's movie never say never. wow, OBSESSED with him

my sister is home from college. until tomorrow. aka she only got to stay like 2 days. lame

school is tomorrow.... I AM SO OVER IT

i want summer

that's all for now.

chris has arriiiivveeedddd

2011-02-05T16:22:00.000-08:00

my friend chris from mississippi is here!!!!! my dad and i met chris and her mom in memphis on friday and she came back to cape with us. yaaaaaay :)

friday night we went to go rent a movie...and ended up buying SIMS life stories. aka a computer game.......then we went to my dear friend bryce's house to borrow one of his seasons of the office. it was a pretty low-key night.

today we got up and watched some modern family and then we ate breakfast. we ate lunch at muy bueno then went to the mall. really exciting. thennnn we came home, played SIMS, and went to my sister's house where she took our pictures in her backyard! (thank you ashley, i know it was freezing) we went to starbucks and are now about to make a cute little family on SIMS. before you judge us, just know that we could be out partying or something. and we aren't. so..stop laughing.

tomorrow we are going to church then to a super bowl party for the youth group for a bit. should be fun.

have a great weekend! :)

things that make me happy

2011-02-01T18:53:00.000-08:00

ellsworth- rascal flatts
while you loved me- rascal flatts
stay with you- john legend
missing- eliza doolittle
roller blades- eliza doolittle
marry you- bruno mars *or the glee version!
i could hold you in my arms forever- ray lamontagne
big night- big time rush (gotta throw a boy band in there)
freak the freak out- victoria justice
God gave me you- dave barnes
chasing pirates- norah jones
dog days are over- florence + the machine (weirdest video ever)
you- rascal flatts
u smile- justin bieber
you are the best thing- ray lamontagne
dumb love- sean kingston

SORRY

2011-01-30T19:07:00.000-08:00

i just haven't really had anything to blog about, so i decided to be boring and post pics from homecoming. lame i know.

friday night was the homecoming basketball game/dance. morghan wanted me to go with her to the dance so we got ready together and went to the game, then smoothie king, then the dance. it was a fun night. minus the dance.
me and harlie at the game.

me and katherine.
me and evan.
me and harlie at the dance.

i've learned that i need to take a lesson from my brother and not go to school dances. it's just i always thing i am going to miss something.... but i never have a good time when i go. oh well. life's big decisions.

something that really brightened my week was finding a website where you change your race.

i don't know which should disturb me most: the way i look as an anime character, or the fact that anime is considered an actual race on this website.
cute asian. totally.

i hung out with katelyn last weekend. we were best friends when i used to live in missouri, then i moved away. when i moved back we reconnected and are BFFs again!

it was maci's, katelyn's sister's birthday, and i had to crash the party. sorry girls.

then on saturday night i went to pablo and alvaro's house (and didn't get lost) and i learned how to dance which was fantastic.

funny story: we ran upstairs with the laptop to make a video to whip my hair for our youth pastor's birthday. mrs angela found us........awkward
i was enjoying myself....
will agreed to dance with me!!

as you can see, it's been a pretty good week. school better not let me down this week.

danielle!

2011-01-21T10:05:00.001-08:00

okay i know i might be a little young for this, but i decided to do kelly's show us your singles link up.

my best friend danielle is such an amazing person. she has a HUGE heart for the Lord and is such a great example to me! i consider her kind of my "mentor" because no matter what she is going through or dealing with, she will quickly help me with whatever i need without a question.

danielle will be 21 this summer!! she went to KY her first year of college, then transferred home to MO for the rest. she will graduate in may of 2012 with a degree in elementary education. danielle LOVES college SO MUCH! hehe.

she is SO FUN too! danielle always knows how to have a good time! she is really great to be around and has a really positive attitude about everything.

danielle LOVES kids, and actually spent 20 days this past summer in africa for heart for africa. she has such a big heart for missions.

danielle and her (wonderful) mom are extremely close! they have a super great relationship, and are exactly alike!!

danielle LOVES to travel. she really loves the beach! if she could go every weekend, she totally would! her and her friend actually just got back from a cruise to the bahamas!

as i mentioned before, danielle has a huge heart for the lord. she is a very strong christian, and has an authentic relationship with Christ. she is always there to give me (and anyone) spiritual advice, and knows what she's talking about!! she is such a great person, and anyone would be truly blessed to have her in their life!
this is her and my sister alyssa (who is single too..just saying)

i am so blessed to have danielle in my life! she is a TOTAL CATCH!! ;)

soooooo leave a comment or email me! andreajoy1220@gmail.com

you can check out danielle's blog too! http://www.toseehisgloryrevealed.blogspot.com/

no school...

2011-01-21T08:44:00.000-08:00

enough said :)

snow day!?

2011-01-20T16:22:00.000-08:00

YES! thank the LORD! i was so not wanting to go to school today, and look what we got!

yessssss, no school!!

so american idol, what do yall think!? i was kind of skeptical of the new season due to the new judges, but i actually really liked it! my favorite is the very last audition, forgot his name but he is adorable and has a really great story. i love his voice! i also liked the second guy who auditioned. can't wait for tonight, woo.

i actually really want to try out. maybe i will next year just for the heck of it. hm!?

one of life's little surprises

2011-01-14T19:53:00.000-08:00

so tonight we had a family over for dinner, the jaramillos. pablo is in my grade, alvaro is a junior. their family started going to my church when they moved here last year second semester i think?? i met pablo at school and invited him and he ended up bringing his familia (get what i did there!? ahaha) so yeah!

anyways, long story short me, will, alvaro and pablo were going to peace out from dinner early and go to the *fill the gym game. well my mom decided that i shouldn't ride alone, so pablo rode with me. will had to leave early to go to his indoor soccer game, so my mom suggested i take alvaro and pablo home after the game. MISTAKE.

i take them home, everything is fine. i don't remember it being this complicated? kind of ran through my head but i was like no no i got it (pride is a terrible thing, my friends)....

do i take a left or a right out of your neighborhood?
a left.
okay are you sure? positive?
yes you take a left!

okay why didn't i keep asking questions??? i am so dumb. so i finally decided, after literally going in a circle and driving through a not-so-great part of town, to call my dad. so i get my phone (i don't text and drive, and i usually don't talk on the phone and drive, but i was NOT ABOUT to pull over and park in a random part of town. sue me) and dial my dad's number. emergency calls only. ARE YOU SERIOUS????? if it hadn't been for worship music blaring and a peace from God i would have burst into tears. so i decide to keep driving until i have service. i arrive at the country club so i just stop and my dad tells me to stay there and lock my doors. okay i don't know about you but when things are said to me like lock your doors or stay close to me or don't look now, but someone is following us (along those lines..) it just makes things worse.

so i sit. and wait. and call my friend josh who was already texting me and i basically pulled a typical girl move and told him how i was not about to sit in the dark alone and not call someone. ha! so while i am talking to him, mom calls. i get off the phone with her...guess what song is playing?

yes, i am SO SERIOUS. i literally laughed out loud. my dad was there, so i followed him to my lovely, cozy house!!!

ps, not sure why this pic is so small, but it just kind of describes my night

*the booster club sells tickets for $5 which includes a tshirt, hot dog, soda, and admission. aka, more people than usual come to the game. aka, fill the gym.

it's an every day thing

2011-01-13T16:41:00.000-08:00

a few days ago i did a post on cleansing.
well, stupid me thought it'd be a one time thing.
.....it's not.

the past few days have been really hard. not necessarily my outward circumstances, but just emotionally. i am tired, SO tired and i can't get rid of this constant heaviness.

i am trying so hard to focus on the lord and HIS will. but i'm going to be honest and say that i am getting really fed up with all of it. i'm being selfish. that's not me.

andrea, that is you. you are human and you will sin. you are prone to sin. but i love you and i want a relationship with you.
then why do these things happen? if you love me so much then why are you allowing me to be so down?
i am trying to make you focus solely on me. not on the world, not on your loneliness, not on your circumstances, not on YOU.
wow.. you're right. this isn't about me. i'm here to live for you and share with others about you. thank you for reminding me that i am weak but through you i am made strong. i will no longer focus on the enemy's lies that he tries to feed me.
i love you more than anyone will ever love you. i am your comforter, but sometimes you must go through pain and suffering and you might not feel like i am there. but i am. i am always here.

.. how come it takes so much time for me to see things like this? i was telling my mom about how i felt like a hypocrite being on stage and singing last night, but i knew in my heart that it was worship (that probably didn't make sense haha).... she told me that worship isn't about when i FEEL like it. it's about praising the lord even when times are bad. it's praising him for the truth, not for the feeling i have.

the stress that has been going on has been causing me to wake up every night at 3 and 5 in the morning. (every night....in the morning...yeah i said it) i talked to wini, my youth pastor's wife about everything and she told me about this book that for every letter of the alphabet it gives a word for who God is. so i started *this morning* going through the alphabet and coming up with words that describe God. it's easy, except when you get to x ha. it helps me put my focus back on the lord and only on him.

"when we lose, we praise him. when we win, we praise him" - facing the giants

oh my life...

2011-01-11T17:03:00.000-08:00

yesterday i hit someone in the school parking lot.
and nothing was on either car, except maybe a scratch or two.
i was freaking out the whole day because i didn't know whose car it was, but i didn't want to go to the office because i knew they would make it a HUGE deal and call the cops or something (!!!!!!!!) so i resorted to freaking out the whole day.

i knew this one kid saw it happen and i didn't think he'd be the type to tell people; but yes, he sure was. i walk into third hour and he goes "hey andrea, whose car did you hit this morning???????????" ............i won't say what was going through my mind at that moment. so by lunch (after fifth hour) a good amount of people knew. eighth hour comes around and i tell my teacher how awful my day had been and she told me we could look out the window after school and see who the car belonged to. so i'm sitting there after class and there are tons of people around my car, aka causing me to freak out even more than i already was. soooooo i told myself that nothing was going to get better with me standing in the classroom the whole day, so i walk downstairs bringing my friend tat (tot) with me.

we're walking to my car and i am all but dying and i see this kid (with keys) walking in front of me. please be him please be him please be him, i was thinking. he looked really sweet wearing his little button up plaid shirt with jeans, and he got in the car and there is no way he didn't see me walking to his car, but he looked the other way. so i was like okay, he mmust know i am coming, but he isn't looking at me, so he is probably shy....

i knock on his window.
he rolls it down.
"well hello" OMG, he is too sweet!
so i explain what happened.....i was parking this morning, and i happened to maybe hit your car....i am so sorry...i am really sorry...
his response?
"well...i mean...i guess i should get out and take a look at it...."
as i am FREAKING OUT with my friends tat and libby laughing hysterically behind me, he just takes a look, and is so nice about the whole thing. we kinda chatted a little, and i ended up telling him i love him....just to make sure he knew how much i appreciated his response!

that was my little adventure yesterday. i think God realized how scared i was to park today (i hit our dear friend while i was parking) so today...NO SCHOOL due to SNOW! hahahahaha

i will have another post up shortly :)

weeeeeeeekend :)

2011-01-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

i have never been so thankful for the weekend in my LIFE! this has been the longest week EVER. seriously. i can't wait to sleep in tomorrow. speaking of sleep... guess what i rediscovered the other day??

(okay, i know it may be weird that i sleep with stuffed animals and baby dolls but.....i don't really care. seriously. i don't care. so HA)

yeah, those are black baby dolls. and blankies. and a big white bear. i was culturally diverse at such a young age

after school morghan came over and we sat around and did nothing, then watched step up 2, ate dinner that my awesome brother will cooked (chili), went on an "andy's run" due to catering to my father's needs, then came back and she went home. my mom has been on this "let's take down all the christmas decorations in one night" mood so can ya guess what i did after morghan left? yeah, took all the thomas pacconi ornaments off of the tree.

that lasted for about an hour... then i couldn't find the places for the few i had left so my dad gave me permission for a break.... :)

now i am laying in bed with my white bear, black babies, and blankies about to watch a movie. probably cinderella story. i would say this has been a great start to the weekend.

what do you think?

new day

2011-01-06T18:10:00.000-08:00

well i won't go into major detail, but i have been dealing with some emotional stuff due to our friend satan.

want to know why i said friend? because if it wasn't for him, i wouldn't realize how much God loves me. i can honestly say now that i am in love with jesus christ, and i don't think i have TRULY been able to say that and mean it.

as i mentioned, i won't go into detail and make this a really long post, but what i have been dealing with i think a lot of people deal with but don't speak up. for the past year i have been feeling like there was a weight on me; aka heaviness. i had no idea what to do- it is seriously the most miserable thing to go through.

also, i felt alone. which is weird considering i have such an awesome family and i have friends who i'm around. that was the enemy trying to make me believe i need a person or something of the world to satisfy me. um hello, LIE. but i didn't realize that until yesterday.

i felt sad. another weird thing because nothing is going on in my life to make me sad. no circumstance is going on that is making me said, i mean. i always felt like at any moment i could just break down in tears. for no reason.

i know i might seem like the most bipolar person you have ever seen, and i can completely see that, and i am truly sorry haha. but i have never felt the freedom to post this for people to read or even talk about it until now. at this point i just want to share the freedom i have in christ. seriously, i have felt a lot of things, but i have never experienced such freedom and peace as i have in my God. it is absolutely incredible.

i talked to my dad about my situation at the beginning of this week. it was getting really bad to where i would go to bed and not even want to wake up. how sick is that? so my dad talked me through some stuff for a couple minutes (i was about to go to school) and i think he could tell something was up. turns out, he called his dad ("dah") and i decided to call dah and talk to him.

so yesterday i drove to the church after getting my passport with my dad and decided to sit in the parking lot and call dah. best decision i could have made. he asked me questions and made me realize that the devil was oppressing me and i was letting him. he told me that i had the power in jesus' name to cast the enemy out. i repeated a prayer after him, and it was like i was a new person. i can't describe the way i am now. i guess it's hard to put into words.

i feel like i am new. i no longer wake up dreading my day, i wake up thanking my almighty GOD for allowing me to go thorugh what i did for a whole year because if i had never experienced that darkness, i would never truly experience the light.

so let me tell you something. i know how it feels to put on the "happy" face. i have been doing that every day for a year. yes i've had good moments, but it's so up and down that i was never truly satisfied. i want you to know that you need to talk about your problems no matter what they are. if i had never talked to my dad, i never would have called my dah and heard what the lord said through him.

if you have no one to talk to, feel free to contact me. i know not many people read my blog, but i truly love to listen and talk to people about anything.

andreajoy1220@gmail.com

well well well

2011-01-04T18:47:00.000-08:00

i started the praying thing at lunch on monday! i was so scared, but it went really well :) thank you for all the prayers, and i know the lord was with me and calmed my fears.

peace.

2011-01-02T20:56:00.000-08:00

praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! in his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. this inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. in all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. these have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 peter 1:3-9

peace is what i experience when i read this.
trials will come. it's not IF, it's WHEN.
but we have a God who is mighty and powerful and will sustain us thru it all.
thank you, lord, for reminding me that i am never alone and that YOU are bigger than my circumstances.

HELP

2011-01-02T11:44:00.000-08:00

i need you!
i am going to start something tomorrow at school and i am kind of nervous but i think it's something that God wants me to do. i need all the prayer i can get lifting me up, because i don't want to get scared and back out.

my dad's sermon today was about wisdom. it was from james 1, and the main focus was verse 5. if any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

with it being a new year and all, i have been thinking about my goals, as you might have seen in my last post. i want to change. and i want to cause change. i want the people around me to see a difference in me. sooooo as i was sitting in the service this morning, i got to thinking. what if i started something at school tomorrow and did it every single day for the rest of the school year?

so tomorrow i am going to start praying over my lunch table, and asking the people i sit with to do it with me. i know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but i am tired of being embarrassed to bow my head and pray for my own food or my own day or whatever, so what better way to get rid of that fear by speaking up and asking friends to join me? right? we'll see!

in other news, my sister leaves to go back to school on tuesday. aka my life will be over

here we are, yayyyyy sisterhood

it's a new year!!

2011-01-01T09:04:00.000-08:00

....and i am so excited!

i am ready to get 2010 behind me, and move on. yes it was a good year. lot's of changes happened, not necessarily bad ones. i think it's safe to say that everyone had some hurt, pain, trials, but also joyful times this past year. AND it is SUPER safe to say that the lord is in all of those times, too!!

2011 is going to be "my" year. i know it sounds kind of cliche to say that, but i think i am the type of person that needs to verbalize what i want to happen. that sounds weird probably, but i need to focus on being positive and knowing that the lord is going to sustain me thru everything i encounter.

i'm ready to focus on the things that MATTER this year. okay. not that school doesn't matter, but honestly i am to the point where i am just ready to get out. no, i am not "slacking" in my grades, but i'm not going to stress out over one bad grade when it happens. (yes, i said when, not if.) also, i'm done caring about the stupid things that go on at school. WHY DOES IT MATTER. it doesn't. i'm probably never going to see the majority of the people i go to school with anyway. i'm going 10 and a half hours away to a college where most likely no one from my school will go, besides my lovely brother. ANYWAYS, i think this year's "word" for me will be priorities.

what are your goals for the new year? what did you do last night?

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

ps, i got to hang out with hollie last night! she came home from the hospital yesterday!

guess what

2010-12-30T22:28:00.000-08:00

i ran two miles

you're not alone

2010-12-29T22:15:00.000-08:00

woke up and went to pandora.com
you're not alone- meredith andrews played.
aka, God CLEARLY knew what i was thinking right when i got up ha.

i get daily devotionals from crosswalk.com (girlfriends in God) and the one for today was about finding rest and peace in the lord.

"Father, thank You for the promise of rest. It seems like I am always tired and every step is hard. Please forgive me when I turn to You as a last resort instead of running to You first. Today, I turn to You, Lord, for rest." this was the prayer at the end, and it took the words right out of my mouth.

i'm also learning that only the LORD can sustain me. i can't focus on other people to sustain me. no one else can, and that's how it should be. only HE can fill the void that i have. that is why the void was created.

DUHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he won't relent

2010-12-28T17:03:00.000-08:00

you won't relent
until You have it all
my heart is Yours

i'll set You as a seal upon my heart
as a seal upon my arm
for there is love that is as strong as death
jealousy demanding as the grave
and many waters cannot quench this love

come be the fire inside of me
come be the flame upon my heart
come be the fire inside of me
until You and i are one

does he have your all?
he doesn't have mine.
and that is changing.
starting today.
who wants to join?

it makes all the difference

2010-12-28T10:20:00.000-08:00

starting your day with your quiet time seriously changes your day.

i normally do mine at night, which is perfectly fine, but i realized that by starting my day with a word from the lord makes a difference. i can dwell on what i read and learn throughout the whole day. it's amazing.

also, listening to worshipful music while getting ready helps me focus on what's important. i am realizing that i need to live every second for the lord, not just my overall life. if that makes sense... i think i tend to think "yeah, my life is devoted to the lord." okay, maybe from an outsider's look in my life is devoted to the lord, but is it really? do i live, breathe, move for christ?? i'm realizing that every second matters.

but if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul. deuteronomy 4:29

christmas eve :)

2010-12-24T21:11:00.000-08:00

well, it's christmas eve.

christmas is pretty low-key this year for my family, which i am excited about actually. no family is in town (extended) and we've already done our family christmas since ashley and her fam are out of town. so tomorrow (CHRISTMAS DAY) i have absolutely no idea what is going on. isn't that exciting!?

i drove today! to the mall. i was scared considering it's christmas eve... but it wasn't too bad!

we saw narnia today! it was SO good. there were a lot of lessons thru the whole movie. i loved it!

it SNOWED today! ahhh! coming from mississippi i never saw snow, so being able to see it at christmas time is so fun!

the christmas eve service was beautiful. it was very chill and went well. me and will sang! the candelight service is my favorite every year.

wishing all of you a merry christmas! remember to praise the lord no matter what. i know christmas isn't "merry" for everyone, but remember to keep praising and trusting in Him. he won't put you thru anything you can't handle (with HIM!)

shock

2010-12-23T19:17:00.000-08:00

don't ask me how i came across this but i did.

http://theskinnycity.tumblr.com/

probably the saddest, sickest thing i have ever seen.

this tumblr website is dedicated to encourage girls to be anorexic. literally. how HORRIBLE!

i seriously want to cry after seeing this. these girls are looking at this website and being ENCOURAGED to STARVE themselves. why? because apparently being over 100 lbs isn't okay? since when is being a skeleton attractive? better yet, since when should we care? WE SHOULDN'T.

whether you are a believer or not, God has created each and every person in this universe. he made us. formed, created. every little part of us is by him.

this makes me want to go find every single girl who is struggling with their weight or self image and hug them. don't get me wrong, i struggle with the way i look. i'm not perfect and i know that! but isn't that the beauty of it? if we were all perfect little sticks, where would the beauty of uniqueness be? it wouldn't exist.

i am now going to start praying for the creator of this website, the people reading it, and the people everywhere struggling with the way they look. this seriously makes me sick, i don't know about you.

it's official...

2010-12-23T15:52:00.000-08:00

......

I'M OFFICIAL!

i got my license today (barely..hehe) and i am super pumped!

even though afterwards i wanted my dad to drive.
then i ran errands.
and my mom drove...weird.

hollie

2010-12-22T09:53:00.001-08:00

"hollie's getting better, she doesn't have to have the ivs for her blood pressure anymore. she has been sitting up being sassy and playing UNO. she struggled to get herself to the side of the bed and stood up for a brief moment. if everything goes as planned she will be moving to the ninth floor tomorrow. unfortunately we will probably be here thru christmas, which she's upset because she isn't going to be able to see you sing or go to the candelight service!"

this is the text i got from hollie's mom yesterday. thank you all for praying for hollie, i am so glad she's doing better.

monday we were already in st louis for my birthday so we were able to go visit hollie at the hospital. walking through the hall of the ICU really humbles you, let me tell you. every person needs to do that at this time of year. we get so wrapped up (no pun intended) in the gifts, "stress" and habits of christmas, but we never stop to be thankful for what we have at this time of year. hollie is probably the most positive person i have ever met. if you knew her, you would agree. we all need to be like her.

hope yall are having a great christmas season!!

prayers for hollie

2010-12-21T15:27:00.000-08:00

this post will be short, but i needed to ask you for more prayers.

on sunday hollie was rushed to the hospital and is in ICU. i don't know much but i know her and her mom need lots of prayers right now. she is doing better but we just need to lift them up and pray that they will know that God has a plan through all of this.

thanks!!

wig shopping!

2010-12-18T18:22:00.000-08:00

today hollie called me and invited me to go wig shopping with her. she got a really cute one!
here are some pics from the evening!

i decided a bob wasn't the best look for me.. haha!

cry in my heart

2010-12-17T18:17:00.000-08:00

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)

For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head
Lifter of this head

aren't those beautiful lyrics??
this song never gets old.
to me, it's a song sung by someone who is tired of doing things on their own. for me it is so hard to praise God for who he is when i'm upset or going through trials. i don't know about you, but praising is the last thing i feel like doing when i'm upset or hurt.
this song helps me praise him, 1 because i love to sing and 2 because the words are seriously my life.
there is a serious cry from my heart wanting more of my maker. HE is the ONLY one who can love me the way that can sustain me. only he can sustain me.

hollie

2010-12-15T16:42:00.000-08:00

for those of you who don't know, hollie is one of my sweet friends who was diagnosed with ALL leukemia a few months ago. she has been so strong, and i just wanted to dedicate a post to her.

hollie is always smiling and is probably the most positive person i've ever been around. and i'm not just saying that. she coould be having a terrible day, yet you always see her smiling. she is such an amazing friend and is always there for anyone.

hollie knows that the lord is in control and is in this seemingly awful situation. she has grown so much as a person, and is such an inspiration.

i just ask that you lift hollie up with prayers for her and her family through this hard time. she is doing MUCH better, but that doesn't mean we stop praying ;)

change

2010-12-14T15:21:00.000-08:00

i'm ready for it.
i want change.
not necessarily a big change.. i can start with the little things.

like my attitude.
i am ready to move forward from what's been happening lately.
i'm ready to stop letting little things ruin a good day.
i'm ready to be positive and not focus on me and focus on the one who made me.
i can't change my circumstances, but i can control how i handle them. scratch that- the holy spirit in me can show me how to handle them.

like my motivation. (ps, it randomly updated my blog without me finishing my post...not sure what went on there, so i am finishing the post!)
why do i do the things i do?
is it for my parents?
my siblings?
for me?
my motivation should be to please the lord. not anyone else.
not even myself.
sure, God doesn't want me to be miserable but he isn't a God who makes his followers stay in their comfort zones. i won't be happy all the time. i will have my days when i'm not okay. and that's okay! i have to learn to depend only on HIM to sustain me.. because he is the only one who can!
every little thing i do should please the lord- the way i dress, the way i walk, the way i speak, think, act.. everything i do should reflect christ.

i can also change even smaller things! like..
my fashion!
i have decided to change the way i dress. not starting right away considering i need to seriously clean out my black hole of a closet. i want to be more put-together and cuuuute! for example, today i wore grey sweatpants, a white tshirt, and a mississippi college sweatshirt to school. now that does not excite me about taking finals, and you? i didn't think so. i think that maybe if i tried a little more and put a little effort into it, i would be more excited to go to school. that sounds really weird, i know, but i think it'd help me! what do you think?

anyways, sorry for my randomness lately. i've kind of been all over the place, but i feel like i'm ready to get a hold of my life and move forward.

schooooooool

2010-12-13T15:50:00.000-08:00

i had to do this ridiculous project for spanish II......cooking a mexican meal for my family...what the heck

it actually wasn't too bad, the dish turned out quite nicely considering there were like 3 ingredients. i had to document the whole thing, so i am blessing you with pictures of the process..hahaHA

can't you tell how excited i was!? hahaha will clearly enjoyed it...

FINALS start tomorrow (!!!) and i just got home from doing a huuuge study guide for world history with a friend. i have chemistry and pe tomorrow so it shouldn't be too bad. we'll seee ahhhhhh!

today in spanish i found out i have 4 zeros. nbd. i was so mad! i missed six days the week before thanksgiving.. so clearly i'm still making up work but i had no idea i had work to do in his class. turns out i had already done 2 of the sheets he said i never did. cool.

anywayssssss..my sister comes home today!!!!!!!!!!! yayayayayayayyyyyy, i am so excited! what makes it even better is that the whole church staff is coming over for dessert at my house tonight........YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

have a great monday.

renew

2010-12-11T13:17:00.000-08:00

-verb
to make, say, or do again.
to revive; reestablish.
to recover (youth, strength, etc.)

today is one of those days where i am in some serious need of renewal. the weather is dreary, and i just feel like there need to be some serious changes in my life.

it's getting to the point where some days i'm perfectly fine, and the next i could be upset about the littlest things. is that normal!? haha, i'm thinking it's not but maybe it's a teenage girl thing... who knows.

i'm tired of faking like everything is fine. at school i feel like i put on the "happy face." it's so shallow there. if i did seem upset or like i was having a bad day, i couldn't sit down and be honest with someone about what i'm going through. i feel like i'm alone. i have friends at school, don't get me wrong. i love all of the people there. but it's not the type of thing where i can really open up.

i guess i just need to keep reminding myself that the Lord is the only thing that can sustain me. i need to stop focusing on ME and get focused on HIM. honestly, i can't say i'm at a good place in my life right now. i have my family, and a close friend at church who holds me accountable and encourages me spiritually, but i still feel alone.

so, i guess i could ask whoever is reading this to pray for me. i know things could be so much worse, and i am SO thankful for all the Lord has done for me. it's just really tough lately and i can't even explain to anybody why.

at least i'm about to have a long break from school. maybe i can get some things figured out.

christmas in my mind

2010-12-06T14:09:00.000-08:00

so i get to school this morning and i come to a quick realization....it's christmas break in my mind.

it's a problem actually, considering i am totally not caring in any of my classes (yes, i am trying, but if i don't do well..not really sure i would mind). this year is going by fast thank the Lord but it seems like right before christmas it just dragggggs onnnnnn. i am so ready to be out of school and over the stuff that has been going on lately. i'm ready to not have to be concerned about what test i have tomorrow or what homework i have tonight. it's getting extremely old.

winter ball was fun! my friend i went with was a great date! he was such a gentleman :) here are some pics from the night!

so yes, it was a successful night!

winter ball, my week, and my wonderful friends

2010-12-03T20:27:00.000-08:00

so winter ball is tomorrow. i decided today that i am going. good thing i have a datey date and some friends to go with! AND a really sweet friend who is letting me borrow a lovely dress :)

this week has been awful. so much make up work, and really random "drama" that i don't even know what is going on with???? i don't know, it's just not the best time right now ha. it gets really old being hurt by people you care about who you thought cared about you too

BUT, i do have really great friends :) they've all been here for me lately, and have really helped. it's really nice knowing that i have people who love me no matter what.

i know God sustains me. he's all i need, and he loves me, and i know that. thank goodness.

have a good friday night :)

confession

2010-11-27T21:32:00.000-08:00

this is a post i've been wanting to do for a while, but haven't really gotten enough time to sit down and just say what needs to be said. everyone member of my family is asleep, so i figured now was a good time :)

i came to a realization last night about my relationship with God. for me, i don't really struggle with my circumstances. i mean yeah i get upset over things, but for me it's easier to deal with circumstances than like internal things. i tend to not tell anyone what i'm really going through, which is a problem at times but it's just how i am. i've had stomach issues for about a year, and i finally realized it was because of my emotions and how i seriously CAN'T deal with things other ways. i try, but i seriously can't. it's a problem yeah, but i don't know how to solve it.

anyways, the "confession" i have to make, is that i have been struggling for, like i said, about a year now with my thoughts and my emotions. it's really hard to explain, and it probably doesn't make sense at all, but it's the type of thing where sometimes it feels like there is something just hovering over me. i don't know how to explain it (ugh!!) but it's almost as if satan is seriously trying to make me question everything. i get down on myself, and i just get weird. weirder than normal, i guess :)

i've been praying about it ever since everything became different with me. i would always say, "God is allowing this. it's for a reason" but i came to the realization yesterday that i have to do my part. sometimes it isn't just me expecting God to "do his thing", you know? i have to be reading my bible and SATURATING my mind with his words and promises. i think that's my problem. i have just expected the lord to do everything. don't get me wrong, he definitely can do whatever he wants and change things, but sometimes it's having to struggle through things that make us realize how we need to change and who we need to become. if God handled everything without us making any effort, what would be the point? i'm not saying he'll just make us do things on our own, but does that make sense??? WE have to put forth EFFORT.

a relationship is a two way thing. if there are problems in my relationship with christ, it's never him.
"I the LORD do not change. you, the descendants of jacob, are not destroyed." malachi 3:6
"jesus christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." hebrews 13:8
i think these verses speak for themselves :)

so, point is, this is what i struggle with. and i wanted to type it all out, because sometimes that just helps, ya know!? if you read this far, props to you, we should be friends.

have a happy sunday :)

praise the lord!

2010-11-25T17:19:00.000-08:00

happy thanksgiving!!

i am so thankful for my wonderful family that i have been spending thanksgiving with! they are truly each gifts from God, and i know i take them for granted. i took some fun pics during the day! here they are :)

dah and poppy having a deep conversation.

yes, me, alyssa, and will were at the kids table for lunch. the kids table.

round 2 for young william.

after i was done eating i sat evy in my seat. she decided to take my fork and finish up my meal.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

alyssa doing some modeling for us.

have a blessed day!

time for dinner!

today my life has consisted of..

2010-11-24T15:09:00.000-08:00

yes, that's right, i am still in bed. my wonderful sister brought me jimmy johns, and i have been laying in bed watching movies literally all day. all this to say.. please keep praying that i RECOVER! my dad's parents came in yesterday, and my mom's parents are coming in tonight. i want to be better so i can rise from the dead and go downstairs to spend some time with my fam!

my sister and her husband are not going to be the parents of the little child they had found, but they are at peace knowing that it is God's will.

my presh big brother got his senior pics today. isn't he just the cutest thing??

this is in the studio!

happy thanksgiving!

what are you thankful for?

what are your big PLANS!?

oh man..

2010-11-22T15:16:00.000-08:00

..so i ended up having to have a minor surgery this morning.

i won't go into detail, but this has been the most pain i've ever experienced in my life ha.

thank the lord for doctors and pain pills...

and most of all: PRAYER.

dancing with the stars tonight, and then the premiere of skating with the stars.

best news of all...
MY SISTER IS COMING HOME FROM COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

clearly i can't wait.

have a great monday, kids.

i had to blog this!!

2010-11-20T22:03:00.000-08:00

so i randomly google bible verses when i'm bored, and this one came up tonight:

i have set the lord continually before me; because he is at my right hand, i shall not be moved. psalm 16:8

this gave me such a needed hope! like i can't even explain it. God, in like 3 minutes, completely worked in my heart. shows how awesome he is, right!?

no matter what i'm going through
no matter what trials
circumstances
arguments
drama
i am facing..
...i will not be moved!
is that not just plain exciting?
nothing on earth can move me.
not one person, heart break, situation, or problem can make me fall.
ahhhhhh!!

when i read that verse, it just gives me strength over and over. no matter how many times i read it, i feel like i'm reading it for the first time every time i look at it.

so, let me tell you something. whatever you're facing, whatever YOU are going through right now. guess what? let it go. yes, please. just let it go. give it UP. the peace that only the holy spirit can give is absolutely flawless- as in, NOTHING COMPARES TO IT. literally. nothing!!

can you tell how excited i am about this right now!?
i won't go into detail, but let me tell you: i am facing trials too. i am not writing this because life is great. don't get me wrong- my life is not absolutely terrible, but i sure have my troubles too, i'm just not really a fan of making them public. so, just making sure you know, i am in the midst of problems. i live in the same world you live in- a MESSED UP one. i have problems.

in conclusion, i would like to just say that i am really excited about what God is going to do. he is at work.

i was supposed to go to bed like 2 hours ago (sorry mom) and i have church in the morning, SOOOOOO, good night friends.

update dos

2010-11-19T22:28:00.000-08:00

i am feeling much better!
my temp was 102 last night.. no big deal.
turns out i was sicker than i thought, ha!
after a very appreciated visit from a little friend of mine, i am feeling much better, but not quite 100%!

school is going to be the death of me.
i really wish i was joking..

christmas movies are showing on hallmark now.
there are 36 days till christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!! i. can. not. wait.

both sets of grandparents are coming for thanksgiving (!!!!!) and due to my state of illness lately i haven't cleaned my room...it is awful. like probably the worst it's ever been. it's times like these when i really wish we had a maid.

so my sister is adopting from korea! i don't know if i have given that little piece of info on here yet, but YEAH she is adopting and we are super excited. there's more on her adoption blog about everything. please please please be praying for her and her fam as they will be finding out on nov 24th if they get the little child they have found. there are 2 other families that want the same child as ashley and her husband, so we're really anxious to see how things work out! we all know that whatever happens is God's plan, and we can't wait!

i am listening to josh groban-silent night.
wow.
really wish it was christmas right now.

have a great saturday!

ps, funny story
my mom was on my facebook (it's a regular occurance) and i told her to update my status. after teaching her how to update a status, she changed mine to "I am so thankful I have such wonderful parents!" great, huh?

sick

2010-11-18T16:03:00.000-08:00

i am ill.

as in, i came home early on monday, missed tuesday, went to school wednesday because i wanted to go to church last night, then stayed home today from school.

i have been living in my cheetah print "slanket" (yes, slanket. so much better than a snuggie) and have have been on the couch all day.

i have watched home movies, camp rock 2, a LOT of disney channel.. yes. what a life.

i a not even gonig to get started on the makeup work i am going to have.. HA

hopefully i will get better soon- it has NOT been my week!

anyone have some good ideas to entertain myself while i'm sick!?

so anyone reading this who knows me, knows that i am a huge fan of the jonas brothers. well, joe jonas and i are not on good terms anymore. long story short, demi lovato (joe's ex girlfriend, star of sonny with a chance, camp rock) and joe broke up before they went on their camp rock tour. after breaking demi's heart, joe started dating ashley greene (from twilight) pretty soon afterwards. joe decided it would be a great idea to bring ashley on his camp rock tour..with demi. seriously?? how horrible is that. turns out demi left the tour and is now in a treatment facility (not really sure what that means haha) due to "emotional and physical problems"...and was really upset about joe bringing ashley on tour. not cool, joe.

i promise i am not obsessed with disney.
haha!

ps,
pray for hollie. she goes to the hospital tomorrow for another procedure and i think she's pretty nervous. pray pray pray!

home from school aka perfect opportunity to BLOGGGG

2010-11-16T09:37:00.000-08:00

so i am at home not feeling the greatest, so i decided to do a little post on pictures from when i was little!

holding daddy's hand! hehe

...hahahahaha

strawberry shortcake!

this was when i was cute!:)
i'm all grown up now: 15 is grown, right?:)

so, an update on my friend hollie!
if yall have been reading, you know about my good friend hollie who was diagnosed with ALL leukemia a couple months ago. well guess what!? she's HOME!! she has had so much prayer surrounding her, and everyone has really come together to be there for her. she still has to have treatment for two years, but she is doing a lot better!

painting nails!

praise the lord!!

stuck in my head:

have a great tuesday!

update

2010-11-13T12:39:00.000-08:00

okay sorry i have been mia yet again.

school is running my life which is quite exciting...HA.

i am actually in the process of working on a book report for honors english II, it really is a thrill. i just love spending my weekends on homework. don't you??

life is pretty good right now, just super busy! my relationship with God is growing and it's really exciting :) it's never been better, which i can honestly say. and that excites me!!! hehe

i am so ready for CHRISTMAS YOU HAVE NO IDEA. okay maybe you do, but seriously. i want our christmas tree up and stockings hung and christmas lights...ahhhhhh!

i was a pilgrim for halloween (i hate halloween, i just went to a little get together at a friend's house) and i am thinking of wearing my costume for thanksgiving dinner..hahahhaahha. who am i kidding, i probably won't end up doing it but it's a good thought, right?

my friend's comment under this on facebook is "a snapshot from the first thanksgiving" HAHAAHAHAHHAH

so i want to hear from YOU! how is your weekend going? what is God doing in your life?

have an awesome saturday!

complaining is temporary athiesm

2010-11-07T13:17:00.000-08:00

“and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” romans 8:28

today i learned that i need to stop complaining.

if i truly believe this verse, why would i worry? why would i complain? complaining is of the world. if someone overhears me (for me it’s at school) complaning about my life, drama, circumstances, anything, how am i representing Christ? we are called to be set apart and different.

complaining bascially says that you don’t believe God’s word. you don’t believe his promises that all things are for our good. jer 29:11 says “‘for i know the plans i have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’” really? do we really believe that? honestly, i know that at times i don’t. most of the time i don’t actually, ha. i just worry about what’s going to happen today, what’s happening now, and what will happen tomorrow. how stupid. seriously, that’s what it is.

trusting God is hard. so hard. but knowing that the God of the universe made me on purpose should give me enough motivation alone to trust in him. he didn’t have to give me life, and he doesn’t have to love me. but the beautiful thing as that he does. in spite of what we do, how we sin, and how unholy we are, he loves us more than anyone can fathom.

isn’t that a great thought!?

God of this city

2010-10-26T18:59:00.000-07:00

in the midst of darkness..
he is there.

in the midst of a sinful world..

he is there.

in the midst of our hurt..

he is there.

we don't understand.

we aren't supposed to understand all the time.

if we understood, why would we need God?

if we understood his plan, ways, thoughts, reasons...

wouldn't we basically be him?

it's not our job to know everything!

he is the God of THIS city.

of YOUR city.

keep that in mind as you watch things happen around you.

you will be disappointed.

you will be discouraged.

you will be hurt.

but remember:

he is the

God of this city.

my grandparents are in town.
i always have t he best talks with my grandfather, "poppy"
today we talked about all different things. it was probably one of the best chats we've had.

i always learn something from him. you know those people that you talk to and you feel like you could hit them with ANY question and they'd know the answer? that's him!

i won't make this a super long post, but i wanted to show something i learned today.

if you looked at my poppy and just talked to him for like one minute, you'd think he has no problems. at all. seriously i'm not kidding. he is the most godly, positive person i have ever met in my life (all 15 years, i know). today we talked about suffering. we tend to talk about that often; surprised?

Jesus suffered. God sent him to earth to suffer for us. for you. me. everyone. why? because that's how much we are loved. Jesus dealth with people's, excuse me, crap everyday. and we complain about one person who drives us crazy? try being God and having to watch the whole entire globe. i would go insane haha. but think about it. we look at one, maybe two people and are like, wow i really can't handle them, can't stand them, don't like them, etc. God looks at all of us and loves us more deeply than we could ever fathom.

i just thought it was interesting to think about. i want to challenge all of you reading this. tomorrow (unless you are an early riser and are reading this in the morning!) i want you to see every person you encounter as Jesus. the mail man, your teacher (professor?), mom, dad, siblings (!!!!!), friends, people who annoy the heck out of you. everyone.

let me know how it goes! i would love for comments :)

ps,
i will be doing this challenge too. i'm not the type to tell people to do something i wouldn't do myself!

have a great WEDNESDAY!

it's hard....

2010-10-24T20:17:00.000-07:00

.....to figure out why.

why do bad things happen?
why do we suffer?
why are there tears?
why is there pain?

i find myself asking these questions a lot lately. i know my recent posts haven't been too light hearted, but i just feel like there are some things that need to be said.

we will suffer. we are going to have to go through things that we would never voluntarily choose. do we wake up each day saying, "i hope one of my best friends talks about me behind me back"? no. that doesn't happen. but guys, we aren't experiencing true suffering. yes, i completely understand emotional suffering and stress. i know i may be young, but trust me, i get it. but can you really call it suffering?

there are people across the world being TORTURED for their faith. i don't know if we can truly grasp what that exactly means. at least i can't. my dad is doing a series called "yes. the beginning of a radical journey" and today he mentioned what i'm talking about. he just gave HEADLINES of martyr stories and they were awful. i am in no way saying that what we go through is okay, comfortable, or no big deal. because it is. i know what trials are, i know what struggle is.

but i can't say i've been stabbed for my faith.
i can't say i've been legitimately ridiculed for my faith.
i can't say i've seen my loved ones suffer for my, or their faith.

so back to the question: why?

honestly, why not? he's God. it's HIS plan for our lives. if we ran our own lives, how awful would that be? i mean if you really think about it, it'd be miserable. i know my life would be at least.

my brother, dad, and me went to see lincoln brewster on friday night in a random town about 30 mins away from my town. it wasn't just a concert. i learned. and i grew. i really grew. lincoln mentioned that we have a choice. i can't really go into depth because quite frankly i don't remember all that was said, but we have a choice to live each day knowing that the Lord CHOSE to make us. he chose it! no person born under ANY circumstance was an accident. so we have a choice to live for him, or live our own way. or to sink into the darkness of feeling sorry for yourself all the time.

i know this post is a little all over the place, but i hope it made a little sense.

hollie is doing pretty well. i'm actually texting her right now. the chemo has made her pretty sick, which was expected. i plan on going to see her on friday. i have a girls' bible study at my house every thursday night led by my youth pastor's wife, best friend, and sister that hollie has been a part of. she won't be able to come since she's at the hospital, so we're bringing bible study to her! my friend danielle and i are going up there to do bible study with her on friday :) she has been so strong and positive through it all. it's great. i'm selling tshirts to raise money and awareness so people can be praying for hollie, which has been really neat. i'm hoping this brings our community together. please pray for hollie. she will recieve more chemo (a different kind) tomorrow, and i can't imagine what it's like :(

God is in control.
if you read this far, i am a fan of you.

have a great MONDAY!

little do we know....

2010-10-16T17:35:00.000-07:00

...when everything's about to change.
sorry i haven't posted lately.
a lot has been going on.

wednesday night was awesome. the youth group went to pioneer orchard with the children's ministry which was really cool. i got an apology from someone that completely gave me peace about the relationship, which was really great. things were going really well.

thursday started out as a normal school day... get up, get dressed, makeup, etc. school was going good. my friend morghan and i have 7th and 8th hour together. 7th hour is gym, so we change in the locker room before we actually go to "class". so morghan showed me a text (we share a locker) from her mom that said she had to talk to her about one of our friends, hollie. we thought it was super random. morghan and her mom text throughout the day, but it was really odd for her to be texting her about hollie. so we go through pe and we can't shake it out of our heads. morghan decides to go from 7th hour to the office to call her mom, so i go on to 8th hour.

i'm sitting in class, waiting. pretty much calm because i don't think it's that big of a deal. i tell our teacher that morghan will be late, she's in the office, blah blah blah.

morghan walks in. i immediately knew something wasn't right. her face was red and it looked like something was seriously wrong. mrs richmond was in the middle of giving us directions so we couldn't talk yet.then mrs richmond pauses- morghan turns around- "she has leukemia."

my world stopped. my stomach literally dropped. we both started crying. mrs richmond either didn't see us or just let it go, which i think was a God thing. leukemia? what does it even mean? sure it's cancer but seriously what is it? we aren't supposed to have to be asking these questions, right? obviously i had no idea what to say. we couldn't even talk.

we end up kind of composing ourselves, but not really ha. after class we start talking about it, and just start crying again. we can't tell people. it's not our place, right? we walk down the hall and i just look at people. i just wanted to scream. i actually still do.

my friend brandon comes to my locker everyday after school. i'm clearly upset, and he did the perfect thing. he did not say one word. the whole time. now that is a good friend. anyway, i get in the car and start sobbing. i didn't want to make a scene at school, that's awkward and draws attention. will (my brother) has no idea until he goes "bible study at our house tonight?" and i looked at him and nodded. i proceeded to tell him what i knew and he was just silent. major shock. like where the heck did this come from???

hollie calls.
"andrea?"
"yeah?"
"hey, i found out what's wrong with me." she is her usual upbeat, positive self.
"i have cancer."

i lose it. like completely. "hello? andrea?" hollie is just being so STRONG about everything and I'M the one losing it. how wrong is that? we go through a short conversation, ending with her having to go because they are moving her to a room. as in, she is staying in st louis for at least a month. a month.

hollie has blood transfusions on friday. she said they hurt. she starts chemo on monday.

it's just so surreal. she's staying so positive about everything. she actually just texted me asking me to bring her nail polish. she is worrying about her nails, haha. it's so like her. me and a couple friends are going up there to visit her tomorrow. i ask all of you who are reading this to please pray.

pray for her mom.
pray for her little brother.
pray that her faith in the almighty God grows more than it ever has before through all of this.
pray that she has peace through it all.
pray that the Lord gives all of her friends the strength to have courage for her.
pray that we know what to say.
pray that we know what not to say.
pray that hollie knows that this is God's plan.

in saying that, i'd like to close this post with a reminder. God allowed this. obviously we have no idea why. but he allowed it. this is in his plan. he has a purpose in all of this.

now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. hebrews 11:1

listen

2010-10-08T15:18:00.000-07:00

one of the worst feelings in the world is not being heard. i don't care who you are, it stinks.

for example, at the lunch table. there are like 47 people trying to talk at the same time. i've gotten to the point where i just sit there. i don't even say anything anymore. isn't that the worst feeling ever? like you have so much to say, but there's just no point in trying?

i am tired of not being heard. i'm tired of wanting to say so many things, but refraining because no one will listen. i'm not being dramatic, i just think it's time we realize that when someone wants to talk, we need to give them the respect of actually hearing and taking in what they say... okay i'm not talking about like random pointless stuff haha. i'm talking about seizing each day because it's a gift from God and not wasting it. do you realize how much pointless conversation goes on around you everyday??

but guess what? God is listening. he hears everything i am stirring to say, everything i am thinking. when no one else listens, he does. no person thinks about us more than our creator.

investigate my life, o God, find out everything about me; cross-examine and test me,get a clear picture of what i'm about; see for yourself whether i've done anything wrong—then guide me on the road to eternal life. psalm 139:23-34

God wants to know everything about us. and he does. he knows our thoughts, our struggles. he loves us more than anyone.

have you ever thought?

2010-09-28T16:58:00.000-07:00

have you ever thought about the fact that we are connected to the people in the past by the Bible? i was just thinking about this today. we have the same scriptures. they were reading the same things we are today. i don't know, i'd just never really thought about that. i thought it was cool...!

have you ever thought about orphans? okay yes we acknowledge them when we see a sad video or something... but have you truly thought about them? each individual child? sometimes during the day i think to myself what are they doing right now? are they looking for food? are they dying of aids? we need to be aware, people.

have you ever thought about when Jesus comes back? like where will i be? who will i be with? will i be with my family or someone important to me? or will i be with random strangers? what will it be like!!!???????? AHHHH

have you ever thought about the homeless? i mean, have you ever looked at a homeless man or woman, and thought about how they get there? i find the word "hobo" really rude. i don't know if it even is or not, but there are homeless people just were not able to pay for a house or even a hotel or something. i just find it really sad that a lot of times we look at the homeless and just turn our heads. yes, i do know that a lot of ties we give money to them and they go buy drugs or alcohol or something, but honestly, they might not know any differently.
the King will reply, i tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me. matthew 25:40

have you ever thought about living in a different era? i think it'd be neat to leave in a different time...just for a while though haha. i would love to live in the 40s. maybe not in the economy, but the clothes are really cute....so shallow, i know.

psalm 96:11-12 let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice; let the sea roar, and all that fills it; let the field exult, and everything in it. then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy.

p.s.
i did this blog post at school.
i started it the other day, at home.
but i just did it.
in school.
i feel so rebellious

loves of my life

2010-09-26T19:23:00.000-07:00

i love disney channel. and i am not apologizing for it. or ashamed :)

i am currently watching this :) love this show!

and i am about to watch this :)

OH HANNAH MONTANA!

i miss the dsiney channel games!

one day i'll be on disney channel. just watch.

not many words.

2010-09-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

i know i haven't posted in a while.

i've been pretty busy.

i made a 96 on my sophomore speech.

i have learned something about myself recently.

i get stressed. not just little stress. like, i freak out, but internally... if that makes sense. weird, i know. the recent tests i've taken i've told the teachers "I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T DO THIS I AM SO STRESSED!" kind of joking, but you know, kind of not. hah. oh well.. i need to learn how to handle my stress!

i don't really feel like saying much.. surprise

i found these pictures that i liked. i find looking at pictures really calming.. weird? oh well

do you ever wish you could be the one taking the picture? a lot of times i see pictures and i wish i was there. or had been there.

this reminds me of princess diaries 2. when she's in that random field thing at dawn or something

you know in movies how people say "go to your happy" place or something like that? yeah this is most definitely it. if i could just be there right now.

i don't really like flowers... but i don't know why.. i draw them on all of my school pictures and love looking at pictures of them. weird fact for ya right there guys!!

i am so obsessed with aj rafael. it's bad. but really. his voice. and he wrote this song. like wow.

The steps of a man are established by the LORD; And He delights in his way. When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand. Psalm 37:23-24

These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Update

2010-08-31T19:07:00.001-07:00

Well life is pretty good. I feel relieved. Like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. I'm still struggling with spending dedicated and focused time with God every day, but I feel like it's going to take little steps. I deleted my Facebook on Sunday night. I debated on whether I should put that on my blog. I don't want people thinking I'm trying to sound all holy and stuff haha. It was NEEDED desperately to grow in my relationship with God to delete it. Like without Facebook you'd be surprised at how much time you have. I don't even have the desire to get on. Yet. Ha. It just feels really good to get rid of unnecessary things you know? I'm really trying though.

The night that changed my life.

2010-08-29T20:09:00.000-07:00

Okay so I will just start this by saying I am sorry I don't post very often, it's like every other month. HA. Sorry.

So I won't be posting on like what you've "missed" or anything.. because it is all irrelevant. Tonight one of my best friends in the whole entire world had a serious talk about our lives. I have felt dead for the last few weeks. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but that's how it's been. Like everything is an act maybe? Truth is, my relationship with God is not where it needs to be. I feel as if I am at a stand still and I am not going anywhere.

Don't get my wrong, I have been trying so hard to have that solid relationship with Him, but something is holding me back, and I know exactly what it is. Distractions. Facebook. People. Relationships. Guys. Even family. God wants ALL of me. Every single little thing I have. He DESERVES all of me and more. It's me who doesn't deserve HIS love. Yet I live my life as if God is here to please ME. To make ME happy. To satisfy my needs, wants, desires. Me me me me me me. But guess what? It's not about me! At ALL. The God of the universe loves ME and desires for me to have a relationship with Him!! The invitation is there, yet I just sit back and act so casually about. Instead of being like "how much prayer can I get by with today?" or "how much of the bible do I have to read?" I should be asking questions like why do I have to stop??

The truth is, He hasn't had all of me. To be honest, I don't know if He's ever had all of me. But tonight that is changing. It's already started changing. My friend and I both have started the process of weeding out meaningless and distracting things in our lives, and I can already feel a load being lifted off my shoulders. I know that Satan is going to be on my back and try to pull me down, but the glory of GOD had defeated the enemy. Who am I to get bogged down and trampled by an enemy who has already lost??

Anyways, I would like to please ask for your prayers as I go on this little (actually HUGE) journey to be the woman God intends for me to be. I'm really excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ALIVE!

2010-08-23T16:33:00.000-07:00

Okay so I truly apologize to those of you who read my blog. I am alive I just have been uber busy!

SCHOOL started last Thursday and guess what? I LOVE IT! I can't even give you reasons.. I just love it so much. Weird, I know. I love all my classes and my teachers are all great. God has really given me a positive attitude (most of the time) and an eagerness to serve at my school. We have been talking a lot in youth about thinking of school as a mission field and it completely changes your whole outlook if you think of school that way.

What else is new ummm.. I got my ingrown toe nail removed the day before orientation. It's infected now. SUHWEET. It's really gross. Hahhaahhaa.

Well, the bachelor pad is on so I must be going! New favorite show hahaah!

Just....yeah..

2010-08-04T22:05:00.000-07:00

Summer ends next Thursday...

This blog post will literally cover everything that is on my mind right now. And that is a lot. Feel free to stop reading at any point haa....

Okay so I don't even remember what I was going to talk about on here, I haven't posted in a few days and I am SORRY. It's been crazy.

We lost two dogs in 6 weeks. I can't talk about that right now under the circumstances.

I have gotten a lot closer to the Lord. He is the only thing I have right now that is consistant and faithful and I have just been clinging to him like no other haha.

I am going to sound so bipolar saying this but I really wish I had friends. I have friends, like at school and church and stuff, but it's like.. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I'm in counseling mode with them.. Not all of them.. I don't know, I don't want any feelings hurt with me saying that because I love all the people in my life. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess I feel like there is no one my age who is on my level? In a not stuck up way.. I was just talking to my mom because I just ended some boy drama tonight and she was saying how a boyfriend needs to be faithful and I was like (joking..kind of) "at this point, I don't really care mom" and she said "I thought you weren't interested?" and that's when I just kind of got to thinking. I have no friends so a boyfriend is that friend. Okay, I am not saying a guy takes the place of girlfriends or the Lord, please do not think I am like that because I am totally not.. am I making sense?? I don't know. I'm not contradicting myself because I know a while back I posted about dating in high school. I am NOT saying I am going to go date any guy who comes along, trust me, I am not that girl. I just thought about like a strong Christian guy who loves the Lord and is living for him.....ahhhjskhfkjhsflxkh

School starts next Thursday and I am actually really excited because I am going into it with a positive attitude!!!!!!!!!!! Which is new for me, I'm usually dreading school. But this year I have decided to take a new approach..positivity. hahahahaaHA

Sorry this post is so everywhere.... I am just kind of at a point where I am thinking about a lot of things and I haven't talked to anyone lately about how I feel and I think maybe 2 people read my blog so I mean, hey, why not... ha

So in conclusion I would just like to ask for some prayer. That'd be nice. And know I am not bipolar and I really am a normal person... I just have these days

And I really want to be at disney world right now. Or the beach. Or fiji. Or hawaii. London.. somewhere!

Chicago

2010-07-26T09:09:00.000-07:00

These are a few pics from our mission trip to CHICAGO! We worked with the Boys and Girls Club on Tuesday-Thursday. It was SUCH an awesome experience! The kids loved us, and we were really able to show Christ to them. It was such a blessing being able to be used in that way. Our speaker was David Nasser and he was INCREDIBLE! God spoke through him every time he talked to us, and it was so great! Rush of Fools lead worship which was so awesome. No one was afraid to just let loose and worship God and it felt so good to be in a place with no judgement. Anyways, this is short, and there will be a longer post to follow.

This is all over the place..

2010-07-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a really random post with like 4857 different topics. Feel free to stop reading at any point.

VBS starts tomorrow. I am SO excited. The theme this year is Egypt. I can't wait to get started! I am going to be a "mom" which kind of freaks me out, but that's okay. God is going to do AWESOME things! I can't wait to see what the Lord will do in all the kids' lives!

My friend Danielle leaves for Africa on FRIDAY!!! So pleases keep her and the others going in your prayers! She is always the person I want to see if I am having a bad day (besides my family) and she is always there for me no matter what she is going through. She never hesitates to ask me how I am and she always prays for me. God has blessed me SO MUCH with her in my life and I could not be more thankful. For someone who doesn't have many friends, when I have one this AWESOME, I can do nothing else but praise God!! She is my best friend and I love her dearly!

Okay so now the serious stuff begins. To people who read this I problem seem like the most emotionally messed up person evaaaa, hahah. I promise I'm not. Anyways, lately I've been struggling. Go figure the week before VBS. Satan really is just on my back. I am NOT complaining, because I know the Lord is faithful. It's weird, because I sort of have this peace that I can't explain. It's like, Satan is trying his hardest to get at me, but I just feel like nothing can stop me. I don't know. This just kind of hit me! Have you ever felt the peace of the Holy Spirit? If so, what was it about? I love hearing other people talk about what the Lord does in their lives. It makes me so happy, and encourages me!

Tonight I am listening to a bunch of old Casting Crowns music.. Incredible. It just speaks to me so much and is so great! I love finding good Christian music that helps me through any situation I'm in, you know?

On a REALLY exciting note, I leave for Chicago on the 19th for a mission trip! I can't wait! We are going to be working with the Boys and Girls Club, which ranges in ages from 4 to like 17! Should be interesting! I am really excited to serve others. I think that's what I have a true passion for. I LOVE serving other people! It just gives me a really good feeling, and I feel so much closer to the Lord after doing it.

I better get to bed, VBS in the morning!